Employed people from time to time tell me something like this: “My job sucks. I have to work all the time. No one appreciates me. Maybe I should start my own business. Oh, but I don’t know. My job pays pretty well. And I have benefits. Maybe I should just be happy with it.”
If this is where you are, my guess is you may not leave your job for at least another 5-10 years. Because you just aren’t uncomfortable enough to do something about it. But you might be after doing it 10 more years.
Or maybe you’ll have a heart attack from the stress and that will wake you up. Or maybe someone close to you will die and that event will give you the perspective that life is damn short and if you’re not challenging yourself to live at your own edge and creating a life you truly enjoy, that challenges you to become more than who you think you are, if you’re not letting your potential live within you every day, if you’re not pushing yourself to make your life the wondrous and beautiful experience you know in your heart it could be, then you’re losing something precious and fleeting that you will never get back.
Maybe something like that happens that wakes you up. But until then, I bet you stay where you are. I bet you keep looking out the window, not quite really happy, but not quite really willing to risk the comfort that you have either.
Unless you decide to change on your own.
You don’t have to quit your job tomorrow, and you don’t have to wait until your arteries cave in. This is what you do: you decide that your true happiness is more important to you than your comfort or inertia. That’s what it takes. It’s an internal decision. It’s a contract you make with the Universe. That will start you on a path to awaken to your true purpose, the thing that makes your heart sing. The Universe will lead you there, as long as you are willing to give up what you already have, and trust that there is something more out there for you.
That path may lead you to quit your job, or it may lead somewhere else. You may discover that your job is not the point. You may discover the point is that you were asleep. Do you know who you truly are? What you are capable of? What truly makes your heart sing? And are you going in that direction every day?
Deep happiness is founded on self-knowledge and nothing else. Look inside, unflinchingly, and ask yourself if you’re truly happy. Ask yourself if it’s worth it to you, to find out what your heart truly wants and what you need to do to create a life that supports that.
If your answer is “Eh. My life is OK. That all sounds like work.” — then you know you’re not ready yet. And that’s OK.
But if you know you can’t wait 10 more years, then it’s time to start learning. There are a billion books and courses and people who can help you on your journey. You’re not alone. Millions walk before you. The world is full of people who are walking their own personal path to self-awareness, and there are as many paths as people.
Here’s a book to start with, which might shake up what you think the workforce is about: We’re All Self-Employed.
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Hi I'm Emma.
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November 6, 2007 at 11:04 am
North
Hi Emma.
I have read books, attended classes, introspected, am part of a spiritual community, done some writing, got coaching but I still do not know who I truly am, what I am capable of or what I am called to do. I have glimpses of this, but what brings me joy seems to be nonstatic– it seems to change over time.
What seems to stick is trying out different activities and seeing what they feel like– do they push me and do I feel joy in doing them at the same time? I often do not know until I try something out for awhile. The advice I get is to get clear on what I want and who I am. But for me that seems to stick more as an experiential process rather than sitting down and thinking about it.
November 6, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Emma
Well it sounds like you have some clarity there: who you are is someone who likes trying things and growing. What you want is to be able to explore what calls to you in the moment. Right?
I’m wondering if you have an picture of what “knowing who you are” that you are comparing yourself to? Where does that picture come from?
January 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm
John
Emma……you have described my situation perfectly and it makes me want to cry. I took this job as a banker knowing that I would be sacrificing my time to make more money. My liberal arts degree was getting me nowhere. I was gung ho about it from the beginning…..over the last 6 months or so, I have been constantly disecting the dichotomy of ‘working to live vs living to work.’ My family comes from very little in regards to household income and so they (meaning my parents) hold my position is such high regards that I feel that I would be highly disappointing them if I decided to leave my job and find something more heart-friendly and time-friendly. I’ve used my position to fix my credit, establish a small nest egg, and buy a new car so I feel like I would leave with a small sense of accomplishment, but I fear not finding anything even close to the monies I make now and finding out the grass wasn’t greener…..I’ve been here for 4 years now and it’s the only time in my life I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck……am I foolish for thinking it’s wrong to work 60 hrs/wk?
January 3, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Emma
Hi John,
Congratulations, it sounds like you are in a place where you get to make a decision–your destiny rests in your hands. Do you stay safe, comfortable, and unhappy/unfulfilled, or do you take the risk to discover what else is out there for you and start to create a life you truly enjoy?
Your parents probably think that financial security will provide you happiness, but perhaps if you explain the cost that it has to your personal well-being, and that it isn’t actually leading to happiness, they might gain some understanding. Ultimately they want for you to be happy (I’m guessing), so if they get that you are truly making a conscious decision to go for that, instead of a reckless decision, they may be able to understand it. However, at the end of the day you have to live your own life as well and sometimes other people don’t understand what we do until much later, but we have to do what we are called to do anyway.
Fear can be mitigated by knowledge–start researching what you might want to do next. The more you understand the territory you are walking into, the more secure you will feel and the easier it will be to go forward. The real thing to fear is inertia or stagnation, where you are frozen by the fear. Let the fear motivate you to find out what you really need to do to create the income you want doing something you enjoy.
Emma
January 15, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Rebecca
Emma,
I initially read this because my husband is in a job that he is unhappy in. We have 2 small children and live on one income. It pays really well and has benefits for something in his field. It would be really hard to replace that if he left. He is really unhappy. Things are really tight financially and I am always looking for ways I could contribute without just working to pay for daycare, besides, I have worked since I was 16 and I feel confident when I can provide.
I have so many interests and so many passions. They have mostly been dormant all these years. I lived my life the way I was “supposed” to and not staying true to myself. I have just made the decision to start a business (bought a domain name). It is scary though because I do not know if it is what I really want to do. I am really excited about it. How do I know if this is it?
Rebecca
January 23, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Emma
Hi Rebecca,
I think you just try it and see. There’s no way to know ahead of time if something’s perfect for you - life is an unfolding journey. Plan to make adjustments as you go and start going!
Emma