Process: the internal work of uncovering something personally meaningful through creative output.

Product: a finished, cohesive work that other people can access and find value in.

Process and product are two sides of the same coin, and yet if you focus just on one or the other you lose something.

If you focus exclusively on process, you won’t produce something that others can access – your creation will hold personal meaning, but not universal meaning. The packaging is the bridge that lets others access it.

If you focus just on product, you will lose the heart of why you were creating in the first place. You will be selling just for the purpose of selling. You will be creative in order to be liked or rewarded, but your creations will be empty.

The fear of “selling out” is a fear that success will create a pull for product over process–and you won’t be able to stay true to your work.

Imagine if your internal greed or other people’s needs and desires pulled you from your authentic desire to serve or create. Imagine if you lost touch with the “process” side of creativity–the heart of what you have to offer.

That’s a scary thought.

For some people, it’s so scary that they never learn how to package their work and market it. They view all packaging as “selling out”, and have no discernment about which is serving the work by making it more widely accessible and which is hollow.

They solve the problem of having to be responsible with power by not having any power at all. In doing so, they fail to reach the audience they could have. The world doesn’t see what they had to offer.

That’s a real loss, for both the creator and the world.

The fear of selling out is a fear of owning your power in an ethical way.

Fear of selling out is one form of “fear of success” – the fear of losing touch with oneself. For people who have big hearts and big visions, this fear can be especially poignant.

It can also be unconsciously limiting you without you realizing it.

How to not be afraid of selling out:

Admit that there is part of you that is greedy, and afraid. There is part of you that wants to be liked and needed and rewarded, and is afraid of not having enough. It’s there. Be aware of it. Don’t make it wrong. But don’t pretend it’s not there either. Denial leads to unconscious behavior.

Make a conscious decision that you are going to work with your inner greediness, need for approval, and grasping when it comes up. Decide that you are opting for conscious awareness, not avoidance. Take time with your dark side–get to know it. Have fun with it. Laugh about it. Be OK with being human (and grounded in the knowledge that you have values). Having an ongoing and healthy relationship with this part of you means you’ll be in no danger of it taking over.

Discern greed from the desire to grow. Humans want to grow and create and serve in ever-expanding ways. It’s natural. That’s not greed–it’s your heart reaching for the stars. Learn to discern the difference between expansive desire and constricting fear-based greed. Cultivate that expansive desire–that comes from an abundant place of pure love for creating. It’s magnetic.

Package your work in ethical ways. Examine your marketing decisions both in the light of who they might reach, and if they are truthful. Base your business on openness and respect rather than fear, hoarding, and competition. Opt for developing quality and eschewing hype. Forget what other people do with their marketing. Decide that you package your work so people will be able to access it, not so they’ll like you and make you rich. Don’t market some way just because other people do it, if it doesn’t feel right to you. Create ways of speaking about what you do that feel right to you.

Don’t undersell yourself. Show up fully, honestly, and authentically in what you do. Cultivate a solid center in yourself that you market from–a center that knows your worth and doesn’t need to either undersell or oversell.

Relax. You are a good person. Trust yourself.

Your marketing formula works hand in hand with your clearly defined niche to create a flourishing business.

Your marketing formula is unique to you and your business.

The problem with a lot of marketing books and workshops is that they are just one person’s formula. It’s understandable–that person made it work really well for themselves, now they think it will work for everyone. But it won’t necessarily (but it might). Why?

The formula that works for you has to be both something that will actually work for your niche, and something that will actually work for you. Here is a Venn diagram showing the relationship:

When you hear about any new method of reaching people or staying engaged with them (like newsletters, ads, Facebook, SEO, Twitter), it helps to ask yourself these questions:

1. Would this reach my ideal clients where they are? Do they look for services that I offer in this way? (for example, do they use Twitter?)
2. Is this something I would enjoy engaging in on a regular basis? (For example, do I enjoy Twittering? Can I see myself doing it consistently?)

Know yourself.

Don’t create a marketing formula that is not really you. You won’t keep up with it, or if you do, you’ll become slowly unhappy and resentful.

I was in a marketing class once with a guy whose regimen is to spend an hour every day calling and keeping up with new and old contacts. It works great for him. It would never work for me. And that’s OK.

Do not beat yourself up or compare yourself to anyone else. It doesn’t matter what works for someone else. It only matters what works for you. Because in reality everyone is different, and there is no better or worse way of doing marketing. There is only what works for you and your business.

You don’t have to market to the whole world. You just need a sliver to have a good business.

Part of the fear that leads people to scattershot marketing (trying a new thing every week) is that there are so many people that could benefit from their services and they want to reach them all.

Don’t go for everybody.

I know it’s tempting to say “But everyone could benefit!” but here is the reality: if you try to do that, your business will struggle and you won’t serve very many people at all. Your perfect customers are people you can reasonably reach given who you are. Even if a lot more people could benefit.

Here is an example from my web hosting business.

First, my Venn diagram:

I like marketing that I can set and forget–that doesn’t involve a lot of ongoing maintenance. I am easily distracted with new projects and don’t like having to keep up with things. So that goes on the right of the diagram. On the left there are potential clients that could find me on Google. And the natural overlap is to do search engine optimization and  make a site that is informative and lets people sign up online.

Now as you can imagine, there are a ton of people I’m not reaching. But that’s OK with me. I don’t want to have a giant company, and I’m guessing you might not either. My lifestyle goals are the most important to me, and having a smaller company works better for me (and, not coincidentally, for my customers).

So here’s what this looks like:

I have also created listings in various places like Green America to reach some of these other folks. But by far the biggest source of new customers (besides referrals) are from Google. It’s a formula that works.

Another example is a side project of mine which is a website about beading. Because it is a hobby site I don’t have a lot of time and energy to put into marketing. So the only way I market it is through SEO. I did create a Facebook and Twitter account, but only when I had automated feed content to put into it–I don’t use it to chat with folks. SEO works because lots of people search for beading patterns and such. Does it reach everyone who might be interested? No…but it reaches enough to give me a healthy AdSense check each month. It works for me and my business.

Here’s how to get started:

First, list all the potential ways you might reach people:

• Google/SEO
• Facebook
• Twitter
• newspaper ads
• fliers
• door hangers or coupons
• networking
• referral relationships with related businesses
• niche magazines
• blogging
• press releases

Research and ask your colleagues for more ideas.

Then start noticing which you are more drawn to. Do you like forging relationships and keeping up with people? Joining networking groups and going consistently might be a good fit. Facebook might be a good fit too. Do you like the phone? Or are you more of an introvert? If you don’t like going out and networking, but you are fine with learning technical stuff, try SEO.

Ask yourself this key question:

Which of these am I drawn to learning more about, working with, and really mastering?

Every single marketing method is going to require time, patience, and a willingness to learn and experiment. So pick one you want to spend that time learning about and devoting time to. Find the one that seems like a natural fit for you. Which might even be partnering with a person or service who does the marketing while you run the rest of the business.

Next, find out if there are enough people who use these methods to find the kind of thing you do to give you the number of clients you want.

Finding this out can either mean experimenting – running an ad for awhile – or doing research. For instance, you could use an SEO tool to figure out if anyone searches for the keywords you want to use (or use it to find the keywords people do use), or you can ask colleagues in similar-but-not-competing businesses what their experience has been.

Find your thing and stick with it.

Scattershot marketing doesn’t work. You will create much better results when you find and consistently apply a formula that works. Even when you are looking for your formula, you need to stick with each thing you try for awhile before trying something new. So start with your favorite and devote consistent time and attention to it for at least six months to see how it works for you.

In the first few years of your business, you might have to spend considerable time figuring out just what fits you and works for you on a consistent basis. Think of it as an investment. Once you have it in place, you can rely on it as a steady foundation as you work on the other areas of your business.

Write down your plan.

My final piece of advice is to create a written marketing plan. It’s one thing to know what you like to do and what works–but the results come when you keep up with it and build on your results. Running a business demands so much each day and it’s easy to lose track of things that have to be done a little bit over time regularly, like many marketing strategies.

Another reason to write it down is to have it in mind when you are writing web copy, articles, and posting on forums or Facebook–or when you are considering the lastest social media invite in your inbox. Do you really need to join? Your plan will remind you of what methods you are strongest in.

To make a plan, just write down what your core strengths are, what your marketing formula is, who you are trying to reach, and what you are going to do each day, week, and month to build on your results. Then put those activities in your calendar. Also mark a time to revisit your plan every so often to update it.

Your plan doesn’t have to be elaborate and have charts and graphs – it just has to remind you of what you are going for. Mine are always just one page. As always, there isn’t one right way to do it–the right plan is the one that works for you and keeps you motivated and on track with what you are doing.

Write a credo, a manifesto. Why are you in business? What matters to you?

And then demonstrate it.

For example, let’s say you do massage.

You credo might sound like this:

I believe massage should be empowering. People should feel completely at ease to speak up and ask for what they want during their massage. It’s THEIR time, and it’s most beneficial when they give feedback, know what they want, and ask for it.

Your stand could be anything, but it has to be you. It has to be something you truly believe.

The best credos make you cry. Or expand inside. They feel vulnerable and real.

You don’t have to share the credo itself with anyone. It’s for you. It’s what gives your business heart.

When you have it, then you can demonstra

te it through your website content and processes. For example:

I believe massage should be empowering. Before our first massage together, I’ll have a short form for you to fill out that asks you your preferences—do you like feedback about your muscles as I work, or do you prefer a quiet no-talking space? Do you prefer light pressure or deep? Which body parts would you like me to focus on?

Feeling unsure about disrobing, tipping, etc? I created this FAQ specifically around the questions people are often too shy to bring up.

You can also share your credo with your designer. Make all the parts of your business reflect it. Build y

our brand around what you truly believe.

Be a bigger presence by being different—and expanding on that difference.

Write articles about your stand. Make

your business about more than just getting customers and getting paid. Make it about saying something. Make it about changing the world in some small way that you care about.

For our massage example, start with the question:

“How can I help my customers feel empowered during their massage with me?”

Then expand the question:

“How can I help everyone on the planet feel empowered during massage?”

“What information might help people feel empowered during massage? How can I provide it?”

“What articles might I write that would help transform people’s relationship with massage?”

When you take a stand, you become part of something larger—the larger truth you are standing for.

Your presence becomes larger and more attractive, because you are not just you—you are part of that truth. You are part of an inspiring, cool thing. That makes you and your business attractive.

Bonus: you get more inspired about your marketing. You’re not just selling yourself anymore. You’re being a stand for healing the world in a way that matters to you. There’s a lot of energy in that.

And I totally expected her next word to be “focus”. (It wasn’t.)

Focus was my breakthrough word/concept that helped me “get” marketing – you have a niche, you have a great product, you know who you are, you take a stand, you stay in one spot, you don’t try to be everything to everyone, and then your perfect customers recognize you and are attracted to you, and your non-perfect customers are repelled instead of becoming your worst headaches.

But no. Her next word was “relationships”.

“Marketing is just about relationships! And I know how to do that!”.

She was excited.

I was nonplussed.

(Can we pause to celebrate the awesomeness of the word “nonplussed”? It sounds like it is about math, but really it means “filled with bewilderment”. Ok, thank you. Word moment over.)

Relationships? Huh? How is marketing about relationships?

See, I think of marketing as a technical problem. You want to (a) get your product in front of your target customers and (b) induce warm fuzzy feelings in them about your company so they want to buy from you. (And of course (c) have an awesome product so they tell all their friends. But that should really go without saying.)

These are problems to be solved, to me. A series of tasks – getting clear on who you are, developing your unique offering, explaining it clearly so your perfect customers can recognize you, figuring out where your customers hang out or look for your services, and being a presence there.

It had never occurred to me to think of marketing as “relationship-building”.

But then after that, I saw it everywhere. “Building relationships with your customers”, “Marketing is all about relationships”.

And I would always think, “But, but, but…my company does alright, and I don’t think of it that way at all…”. Should I be?

Today I finally got some insight into what this is all about.

The common denominator between my idea (”it’s all about focus”) and my friend’s idea (”it’s is all about relationships”) is that they are both about communication.

Mine is about communicating ideas clearly, and hers is about communicating in a way that builds relationships.
Many personality systems make a basic distinction between a task-oriented communication style or personality vs a relationship-oriented communication style or personality.

Task-oriented means you primarily care about how things get done–do they meet expectations, are they on time and correct? You tend to give blunt, direct, and immediate feedback when something is wrong (because you care deeply about the task getting done well). No feedback means you did it right – you give praise if something exceeds expectations, but usually not if it was just the way it was supposed to be. If you make a mistake you correct it immediately and try to make sure it didn’t affect the project as a whole. Doing a good job and not making errors is of primary importance to you.

Relationship-oriented means you primarily care about the people getting things done, and the relationships between the people, and that everyone feels good and is OK with each other. You like to give and receive positive, affirmative feedback and tend to apologize when you make a mistake and worry that you have let the other person down. You are more mistake-tolerant in others and try to be very gentle when offering critical feedback (because you care deeply about the other persons feelings and the relationship being OK).

Now, like introversion vs extroversion and other personality factors, this is one of those “it’s a spectrum” thingies where there is a line going from one extreme to the other and a slider bar in the middle somewhere indicating your personal combination of styles. Also, you probably end up being more one or the other in certain situations or with certain people. It’s not black and white.

As you can probably guess, men tend to be more of the first and women more of the second. But that also depends a lot on the person’s culture and upbringing. For instance, I am female and way more of the first (but I was raised by my dad and two older brothers so I guess that explains that).

And. you can also probably guess that these two style differences lead to all kinds of conflicts and understanding them helps immensely with managing and training employees and interacting with people in general. As well as the whole, you know, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” thing.

But that’s not where I’m going with this.

I want to stick with how this applies to your own personal marketing style. Because the world is full of marketing gurus telling you “how it is” and making it seem really really urgent that you follow their advice. And read their book. And go to their seminars. But I think you can learn a lot by looking inside, understanding yourself and your natural inclinations, and affirming them. And that’s free.
Knowing where you are on the scale between task-oriented and relationship-oriented communication styles can clue you in to which marketing strategies would work best for you and how to approach them – and let you take some marketing advice with a grain of salt until you find the approach that feels natural to you and you can really run with.

For example, one of my main marketing strategies has been search engine optimization. I look at it as a technical problem – it works great for me because it matches my task-orientation.

However, you could also use relationship building skills in SEO.

I won’t deny that you need a technical person to do some on-page optimization or give you some hints about the technical side of things. But getting great incoming links by establishing relationships with other companies and other sites or by interacting with your customers on a blog – those are all great ways of building “link juice” which helps immensely with your rankings too.

On the other hand, if you are more of a task-oriented person, you could also start a blog for link juice, but you could focus more on making it a really interesting or useful resource that people are excited to link to all on their own, rather than being as focused on building relationships with your readers or other bloggers.

There are many different ways to market, and it’s working against yourself to try to do one that doesn’t fit your style.

Even if some marketing guru or another made a million doing it. Even if someone you respect says “It’s all about …”.

It’s never “all” about anything.

When people get excited about their strategies, marketing or otherwise, all it means is that they found something that worked really well for them. So celebrate with them! But remember that you are unique and something entirely different might be just the thing that works for you.

Mark wants to rename branding “worldview”. I don’t – I like the word “branding”. It means something specific – but maybe not what you think it means.

Your associations with this word might be from seeing graphical logos or “brand names” on clothing, or getting fakey-B.S. “we care” stuff from big companies who obviously don’t actually care.

This is not what branding is.

Branding is the visceral feeling someone has about your business.

Here’s an example. Some time back Qwest re-branded themselves with this whole “Spirit of Service” crapola. But when I called them to get help, I spent 1/2 hour going through a phone-tree, and finally got a guy in India who I could barely understand and was obviously rifling through an employee manual while talking with me, trying to figure out how to answer my question.

So the visceral feeling I have about Qwest? A crunchy-tense feeling in my gut, and an annoyed/indignant feeling that they lied in their advertising. That they were just trying to make more money, but didn’t seem to make any real changes in their customer service.  That’s their brand.

In the same way, part of Wal-mart’s brand (for me), is a questionable sense of ethics about how they get their cheap prices (like, from third-world sweatshops).

The key here is that branding is not what companies want you to think/feel about them, it’s what you really do think/feel.

So what is your brand? And where is it? It’s in the hearts and minds of all of your customers. It’s the sum total of all their reactions from all of their interactions with anything connected to your business and to you (yes, personal branding is a thing, especially for solo-prenueurs).

Branding isn’t abstract – it’s the real-world feeling people get from interacting with your business in any form whatsoever, from looking at an ad to browsing your website to talking to you on the phone. It’s the gestalt of YOU that they form in their head from all their different experiences. It includes their idea of what you offer (products and services), how responsive you are, if you are fun and playful, serious and committed, etc.

Branding is exactly where small businesses have a huge advantage over giant corporations.

Qwest does business the giant-corporation way. You don’t have to. You can do business exactly how you’d like a business to treat you. That’s why people choose to do their business with small businesses and independent providers!

Big companies resort to advertising to try to build a brand. To try to convince you to trust them. But do you? Not unless their advertising is backed up by their real-world actions. And more and more, it’s not, and that’s why people choose to buy from smaller companies who do still have the values they proclaim to have.

Ok. So how do you build a brand?

Branding is about consistency and focus (and the trust that they build).

To translate it into a different framework, NVC (non-violent communication), branding is “the needs people think will be consistently met by your business”. For example: integrity, compassion, generosity, spontaneity, humour, play, warmth.

Or they could be less touchy-feely needs, like vision, innovation, clarity, efficiency, ease, or exceptional value.

The consistency part meets peoples needs for predictability and safety. Which, of course, is the absolute first step to people buying from you.

If you send a customer a nice thank-you gift for instance, they’ll feel warm and fuzzy – that’s part of your brand then, in their mind – that warm fuzzy feeling. They’ll think your company = generosity.

If you do something inconsistent with that the next month (like give their 3 day overdue bill to a collection agency), you’ll dilute your brand. People will be confused. Uncertain. Scared. This is Not Good.

Get clear about a few specific things that define your brand. You don’t want to be all over the map, because you won’t be able to keep that up consistently. Sure, you can be playful one day, even if it’s not part of your core brand. But the things that are part of your brand, you want to bring into every interaction, and every product you offer, as much as you can.

For solo-preneurs, it’s important to pick things that are close to your heart, and easy for you to be consistent about. It really sucks to be not-yourself on a daily basis. For instance, I am not known for playful chit-chat when it comes to customer support. But answering questions clearly and honestly, and responding quickly and efficiently – that I am known for.

So get clear on who you are. Then, let people know about it!

For instance, if your strength is consistency, focus on that in your materials. If you have a special gift for being warm and connecting with people, make sure that is coming through on your website, your phone message, etc. Every little interaction counts toward their mental picture/visceral feeling of what your business is about.

Think about your brand as an investment – your brand is the principle that pays dividends – don’t spend it foolishly.

Think about Apple, one of the strongest brands out there. Do they ever release an inferior product? They could probably sell anything they released and make tons of money doing it. They have a huge customer base. But if they did that, it would dilute their brand. So they consistently make innovative, stylish, brilliantly designed products – and that keeps their brand strong. That way, when they release products, people are lined up at the stores camping out to get them.

So when you build up a brand, that is, you build a sense of trust with your customers and community, don’t waste it. Use it in a way that will leverage your business further.

Here’s an example of brand dilution I see sometimes: adsense or affiliate links all over a website, trying to make a few extra bucks. I am all for passive income! But it needs to be done in a way that makes sense – and that won’t turn people off – because that “turning people off” is now associated with you. So when you think about affiliate marketing, or anything you want to add to your site or make a part of your business, ask yourself: “Will this strengthen my brand or dilute it? Does it help my customers?”. Affiliate marketing, in the best sense of the word, is about recommending stuff to your people that they actually really could use and you can genuinely recommend.

I’ve learned this the hard way: if you recommend something and it turns out to suck? That is now part of your brand: “doesn’t do enough research on what she recommends”. There goes some of the trust I built. Ouch.

Then you get to learn to apologize to your customers and build trust by making amens – for instance, doing a lot of research that you can back up on what is a good recommendation, and looking through all the things you’ve recommended to make sure you still stand by them.

So, start to think about who you are and what your business stands for, and look around at everything you are doing in the world and see if there are things that you could re-align to be true to your brand.

If you want to get more into the topic, here is a fun little book on the subject: The Brand Gap.

I said, uh, well, have you looked through the website? Yes. Did you have any questions? Then he got really mad and said “What, do you not even want me to buy your product then!?!” I stumbled around and said uh…it’s your choice right? I mean, if it’s what you are looking for, I’d be delighted if you signed up. If not, I wish you well in finding what you are looking for. I’ll even give you a recommendation if I can. I’m here to help you understand if it’s a good fit, not to convince you that it is.

He was really not happy with that answer. He seemed to want a more aggressive sales pitch than I even know how to do, let alone feel comfortable with.

I ended up asking him about his project (when in doubt, ask questions!), and talked about how our service fit in with what he was doing. I thought all in all that I recovered OK.

Then he posted a ticket to our helpdesk saying that whoever the ditz on the phone was, she should be fired. I think he might have used the word “mealy-mouthed”. Sigh.

The last thing you want to do is convince your worst customer to hire you.

This is not the kind of customer I want anyway. And before you say “sour grapes!”, let me explain. I have paid attention to which customers end up being the most demanding, and often they were the most demanding prospective customers as well. So I don’t mind if people are unsatisfied with my sales technique or something else I offer and go somewhere else. Chances are they’d be unsatisfied with a lot of other things too. In the long run, I want happy customers more than I want any particular sale.

The best customers are those that find your stuff and say “Aaah, now this is what I was looking for”. They don’t need to be “sold”. They just need to be able to clearly see who you are. That way, they’ll know that who you are is what they want.

Marketing is about clear communication.

I’ve heard people say, in the “you don’t have to be aggressive” crowd, that “marketing is about relationships”. Sure, OK. But I also think it is about clarity of message and resonance. When you form those relationships, in whatever form, even “website visitor”, those people need to be able to understand who you actually are! That’s the only way the will get that “Aaah” feeling of “this is a good fit”.

Sometimes it seems like traditional sales techniques are predicated on the idea that folks are just wandering around not sure what they want. So they need to be told to buy your product.

Is that really true? In today’s consumer society with a billion choices, it seems to me like people are out there hunting for what they really want. I certainly am. And I might not have a name or specific picture in my head of what it is, but when I find it, I know. Because of – you guessed it – that “Aaah” feeling. I get excited inside, and I want to tell people about it. And those are the kinds of customers you want!

The way to get those customers is for your marketing to be a shining beacon of Who You Are. Whatever the medium – website, how you interact with folks at networking events – it can communicate clearly your unique style and what you bring to your service.

You also want your marketing to be honest, so people get exactly what you said they would – exactly what they wanted. That’s the best way to get and keep more happy customers.

We’re always better at being who we are than being somebody else.

I don’t do sales pitches or aggressive marketing. And, I have no problem paying my rent. Perhaps I could be making more money if I used different techniques – but who knows? Maybe I’d suck at them because they aren’t really me. Yeah, that sounds true.

So if you need some evidence that making a living does not require aggression, I’ll be the poster child. And I think there are a lot of folks out there like me. I believe authenticity creates success more than sales techniques do. The most important thing is doing what you feel comfortable with and believe in.

There are lots of ways to market. Explore the options and learn about different techniques to see which ones fit you. Keep the faith that you’ll find the ones that are right for you AND that work to create the income you’d like to have.

Lastly, when you develop your perfect-for-you non-aggressive way of marketing and doing business, tell people about it! I write about my business philosophy on my “about” pages, and a lot of the folks who find me say that reading that resonated with them. I think it’s important, if you are committed to non-violent marketing, to let people know. It’s one more thing that will attract the right people to you.

PS I was inspired to write this article after stumbling upon Havi Brooks’ take on the subject, Kosher marketing — it’s not what you think. You might want to check that article out too.

Mistakes connect us all as humans.

There is always the urge in business to pretend that we are perfect. I struggle with this too. But at times when things do fall apart – and they always do eventually - what matters most is that you are honest and clear about it.

I run a web hosting business, and while I’d love to have 100% uptime (and we do have really really good uptime), sometimes stuff happens. Servers are complicated entities and eventually something goes wrong. The best lesson I got in how mistakes can build trust was this conversation a few years ago:

<phone rings>

Me: This is Emma. 

Client: Did you know the server is down?

Me: Yes, we are working on the problem. I’m not sure when it will be back up but we are working on it right now and it will be up as soon as possible.

Client: Great, I’m so glad I chose you as a host.

Me: What? Really? But…your website is down right now.

Client: Yes, but you are giving me a straight answer about it. You didn’t try to act like it wasn’t happening. You always tell me the truth about what is going on.

Me: Oh yeah. I guess I do. I never thought of it that way.

Working through sticky situations builds trust.

I read a study once that clients rate their work as more rewarding over a 6 month period within a client-therapist relationship when something goes “wrong” and the issue is worked through than when there were no interpersonal issues to resolve between the therapist and the client. Mistakes and working through them create trust, bonding, and a shared connection. There is a mutual sense of accomplishment that adds value and investment to the interaction.

So next time you make a mistake, try thinking of it as an opportunity to build trust with your client by demonstrating that you are responsible and honest – rather than using it as an opportunity to criticize yourself or hide out from your client.

You don’t need to grovel or give them tons of free stuff to apologize.

Mistakes do happen. I think you can over-do an apology which can make it seem like the problem was even worse than it really was, or it can give the other person the job of making you feel less guilty. 

Acknowledge what happened, communicate that you understand the impact on the other person, and let them know what you have done to fix the issue. This communicates that you are responsible and that you care about the quality of your service; not that you are guilty and wrong.

Sometimes this can be difficult when the person on the other end is really mad and blaming you. But the same principles apply. Sometimes people freak out when something goes wrong because of their stuff. But you don’t have to make it your stuff. Just be clear, calm, honest, and responsible. They will eventually calm down too. The most important thing is to not escalate yourself to match them and to not take their reaction personally. If you can find it in yourself, try to empathize. Think to yourself “From their perspective, they are really freaked out right now, they are scared, and also perhaps they had a bad day”. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

When all else fails, stay connected to yourself .

Sometimes it is necessary to set boundaries with clients and be clear when something is not your responsibility to fix, even if they think otherwise. Try to not be defensive, but be calm, clear, and firm instead. Sometimes it is not possible to create connection with a client right away while doing this, and the best you can do is stay in connection with yourself – you are beautiful and doing the best you can in each moment. You want to succeed and help your clients, and occassionally things do get missed. You are human. Overall, you do a great job. Don’t let someone else’s pain make you forget your own beauty.

When you can come from this place of understanding, forgiveness. compassion, and respect for yourself, you will be less likely to be defensive, and more likely to be able to be calm, clear, and compassionate toward your client. And your client will (probably) come to meet you there.

We need to change and we need to embrace innovation to make that change happen. We can’t go backward, we need to leap forward.

In the article, they have several sidebars with examples of innovative bright green design. Like these plants who with a bit of genetic engineering they can turn into land-mine detectors. Their leaves turn red when their roots run into carbon dioxide which is emitted by the bombs. So you plant them in a mine field and wait till they grow and bingo there are the landmines.

Genetic engineering isn’t a universal evil. The knee-jerk reactions of romantic greens don’t help. The fact is there is no more “pure nature”, untouched by pollution, invasive species, etc. (Just like there is no more “pure culture” untouched by consumerism and Western ideas, but that’s another post, about how anti-globalization is also unhelpfu.)

So this is where we are, and we can’t go back. And news flash, nobody wants to anyway. There’s a reason that the Amish are not the fastest growing religion in America. Life is driven to evolve and grow and develop, and to solve our crisis we need to embrace that urge and use it. In the article there another sidebar about a car that runs on compressed air. Air! How cool is that? Innovation is sexy in a way that recycling is just not.

They emphasize that individual consumerist choices (like shopping with cloth bags) is just not enough. In the grand scheme of things, it’s irrelevent. We need to change the underlying material structure of our society so that everything that is made is made from material that can either be 100% reclaimed or is 100% biodegrable. That means creating a zero waste manufacturing cycle for every single product. “Cradle to cradle” is the name for this kind of manufacturing.

The second thing we need to do is transform our urban areas into highly dense, highly livable places to sustain consumption and preserve green areas. Turns out people who live in cities use a lot less resources. Especially really dense areas like Manhattan.

How do we get there? By changing how we think. It’s not just about buying hybrid cars. It can’t be consumer-led, it needs to be industry and government and whole-society led.

We need to adopt open-source models of information exchange, so ideas and innovation can grow and be shared and develop as fast as possibe. We need to change our copyright laws to facilitate collaboration and the free flow of ideas.

We need to stop trying to impede progress and instead use this massive technological wealth and infrastructure that we have to transform the world we live in to one we can keep living in. The answer is not less technology: it’s more, better, brighter, greener technology.

There is a spiritual lesson in all of this. When you wake up and realize you’ve made a mess, it doesn’t hep to crawl back under the bed. To move forward, you have to move beyond denial, guilt, or fantasies of going back to the way it used to be. You have to embrace the current situation and use your strengths to solve it.

There’s a reason that humanity is here on this planet, and it’s not to crawl under a rock and die out so that nature will be better off. We can create a magnificent world that uses the amazing abilities humans have to innovate, to create, and to transform. That is our purpose, that is our reason for being here. Embracing that will unleash the power and creativity we need to make this next leap in our evolution.

What can you do?

• Read, explore, and talk about these ideas with people you meet. Google “bright green”. Talk to your favorite environmentalist about going forward instead of backward. Start with the books Worldchanging or Cradle to Cradle.
• Invest in innovation. Put those mutual funds to work.
• Learn to use breakthrough thinking. This means that the way to resolve a problem is to go through it, not to go backwards or to avoid it or try to go around it. Embrace challenges as opportunities. Encourage this kind of thinking in the people around you and the organizations you are in.
• Focus on the solution, rather than complaining about the problem (or the government). Read magazines like Yes! that focus on ways we are moving forward as a species and creating positive change. Let go of the easy despair into positive action. Feel happy to be alive, and proud to be human. Contribute in powerful and meaningful ways.
• Embrace your own edge. Everyone on this planet is part of the change that needs to happen, and it starts from inside. Step out of guit and step forward with power, in whatever path you walk. Stand up and be all of who you are, and support everyone around you to do so to. We all need to embrace the best of ourselves for what lies ahead.

This applies to any business I think, and it’s a beef I have with books like The Four Hour Work Week. Like other ‘how to make money’ writers, he describes how to make money by creating a perfectly functioning profit machine. It’s beautiful, in theory. But it’s not sustainable for most people, because it gets boring pretty quickly. Very few people will be able to sustain interest in a blog, business, or other project purely for monetary gain. It has to feed our souls in some way.

My guess is that it fed his soul when he first created it, because it was new and exciting to him. He was in discovery mode. Plus, he’s a sales guy, and the idea of perfecting a system to increase sales is right up his alley. So people who are much like him will really like that part of the book. But the rest of us may feel like huh, I don’t don’t want to sell a product I don’t care about. (Well, that was my reaction anyway. But just to that chapter. The rest of the book is beautiful.) =)

So my idea is to avoid copying formulas that worked for other people, plugging in something you don’t care about. Don’t start with someone else’s passion. Start with your own. That is the only thing that will sustain itself.

What has always worked for me is to follow what is passionately alive in me, and do that. Then I add the business savvy around that. I loved creating web sites, so I did that. Eventually I created a business around it, and worked to build in the recurring income (web hosting), niche (small high-end online shops), and now I’m adding automation and outsourcing so I can take a vacation.

But that is my model. My theory is that there is a model inside you that will work for you, and only you know what it is. So the key to wealth and goodness (I think) is self-awareness, and the willingness to follow that internal direction above the advice and models of other people. There will always be a billion ideas about what you could or should do. It’s up to you to suss out what your own path is, and follow it.

Ignore any advice that doesn’t fit with your internal sense of what your path is.

This can take some time to filter out but it’s worth spending the time to understand what is truly what you think is right for you rather than adopting other people’s ideas. And it’s the only way to live a truly passionate, authentic life. (That’s my advice, use it if it fits!) =)

Hi Emma.

As an aspiring web designer, I have a dilemma, and it brings up a deeper spiritual question.

Many people are asking me to design/develop their web site for free or almost-free with the possibility of future job opportunities or income.

For example a professor friend of mine asked me to develop his site for free, with the potential of his sharing donations to his research projects or a potential job in his department. The site improvements I am considering could significantly increase donations to his research. And I would learn some valuable skills in developing the site.

The question is, how much giving without expectation is spiritually aligned with the law of Circulation, and at what point does giving become over-giving with a lack of a sense of self-worth?

N.K.

Hello,

Only you know where you are coming from when you say “yes”. There is no universal rule, there is only what feels true for you moment by moment.

I used to do a lot more volunteer web work, especially when I was in the “learning” stage more. Gradually I stopped doing it so much as I attracted more projects and embraced the idea that I enjoyed being paid for my work and that was OK.

I think there is a progression there: when I was learning, I wanted experience and so just the opportunity to do work was something I wanted so that met my needs. So I wonder if you were really doing pro-bono work before out of a sense of “spiritual selfless giving”, or because it actually met your needs for learning and discovery. What you may be feeling the realization that “pure experience” no longer feeds you as much as it once did and free projects are therefore not as appealing to you. And the promise of future work isn’t piquing your interest either.

And that is OK.
I think the idea of selfless giving being this pious activity is a destructive idea. I used to feel guilty that I wasn’t in India being Mother Theresa until I realized that I’m just not. I’m me. And it’s OK for me to be me, and have the needs I have, and seek to meet them (in non-violent ways).

My sense of spirituality is about honoring what is true. When I am honest with myself and others, I am honoring the living spirit inside me and contributing to the Universe, whether I do pro-bono work or let someone else meet that need for that person.

So, I would encourage you to get in touch with what your needs truly are right now, without judgment. “Low self-worth” is a diagnosis, which isn’t necessary to realize that the project isn’t alive for you right now and you’d rather decline it. Being honest and clear with your “no” will free you up for an honest and clear “yes!” to what is alive in you.

Emma