A few years back I was discussing my business ideas with a cousin and he said something of the effect of “Oh, you are totally on your way to being this business mogul. I can see you, all high powered and calling the shots! Go you!”

At the time I was doing everything myself, and the thought of having employees or dealing with people in any kind of leadership role was beyond my conception of myself. My business vision was pretty narrow. It involved me and a computer. But my cousin saw something in me, a potential for leadership and growth, and he didn’t know about any of my self-imposed fears around people. So he just spoke it. And finally, after a few years, I’m beginning to explore that territory and learn the skills necessary to build a business larger than just me.

Sometimes others see what we can’t yet.

From inside our walls, it can be hard for us to see who we are. If we’ve gotten good at learning how to hide, we need to learn how to listen to what others see in us.

I am a master at denying what other people see in me. Some of it is pride: I’m the one who is the expert on me, thank you very much! But most of it is fear. If we’ve grown up in a shaming family, or even just in general American culture, we absorb a big dose of “I don’t deserve to shine” and “I’m not good enough to shine anyway”. Not to mention some “If I got shiny people would reject me” or “Shiny people are fake” or “What if I shined for 5 minutes and then everyone expected me to keep shining and I choked and became a failure instead?”.

Finding our way out of our maze of doubts and accepting our gifts can be tricky, and other people’s positive prophecies can be like a guiding light, floating just above our inner turmoil. Our ego fears might reject it or push it away, but it it sticks there, softly humming its truth. You are capable, it whispers. You are valuable, it says. You can do that, it sings.

Be willing to hear what others see in you.

Think back to a time when someone saw something in you that you rejected at the time. Did it stick with you? Why did you object? Where you defending your fear or a limited belief about yourself? Where you defending an identity, of being a victim, or not smart, not capable, not disciplined enough, etc? Could you let go of that? What would happen if you just went towards whatever truth you felt in their words?

To embrace my inner artist, I had to work through issues with my brother (he was the artist of the family growing up). He went to art school and has the stamp of legitimacy (in my mind). I still find myself comparing our work in my head, but now that comes second to actually making art and enjoying it. Being an artist doesn’t belong to my brother anymore. It’s mine now.

What strengths have people seen in you and where are you in the process of owning them? Wherever you are, know that it is OK and just keep walking forward. I’m still scared that each piece I make will be the last one I really like. I’m still scared of what people will make up about me if I talk about being an artist. It’s OK. We’re all scared. Just keep walking. The light is there and it’s waiting for you.

Share what you see in others

Really seeing someone and acknowledging them is a gift. The times that people have named what is deeply true in me have changed my life for the better. Is there someone in your life who you can see something in, something that you could name for them? Could you name a space for someone to step into, plant a seed that they can grow with? When you see them, if you feel that internal prompt to say something, to acknowledge and share what you see–take that chance. Even if they resist or deny it, it may seep into their consciousness and help lead them home.

We may learn specific skills and knowledge as well, but what happens energetically is much more profound. Our underlying sense of what is possible shifts and expands.

It’s important to expose yourself to people who think bigger than you do on a regular basis if you want to grow and expand and transform your business. It’s not something you can replicate by reading books (believe me, I’ve tried). Books will give you ideas, but it’s not the same as actually being in the energy field of someone who thinks on a different level than you do. The books will tell you what to do differently–the energy shift will enable you to actually do it.

I don’t have a formal mentor, but in my MasterMind group, we have a mentoring relationship with each other, and we fill in the gaps in each others mastery. I get to sit next to someone who has decades of experience within major corporations. That’s a different level of thinking than I’ve ever thought at. I’ve never had a “real job” even once. Nope, I have never worn pantyhose to work, thank God. But I’ve also never had the responsibility or worked at the scale of magnitude that these people have. So my energy and sense of what is possible expands by being in the group.

On the other hand–I’ve never had a real job! I like to think I bring a kind of fresh non-beaten-down energy to the group. I say things that would be completely out of place in a board room setting. I talk about the emotions and the spirituality and energy behind business. I have a freedom around certain things and a commitment to other things (like non-violence and consensus). I get to learn that showing up in that is a contribution to others, another neat aspect to the group.

I can feel the energy shifting and reconfiguring in my body when it expands to take in a new idea. When I think back over all the “stuck” times in my business, and how I shifted, I can pinpoint most of the shifts as coming as an easy letting go after I had met and talked to someone whose vision was much larger than that block. Whatever issue I had wasn’t an issue for them, and it’s like my body absorbed that energy signature and then it knew what to do, and shifted on its own. It’s really the most effortless way to learn because your body does it for you, once it senses how. 

Having an energetic model, you can shift easily a wall that you might have banged your head against for years because your body just didn’t know how to shift past it until it felt someone on the other side. Then it can make that leap, or let go of that block. I believe this is the mechanism of healing.

I believe that our body needs to feel the energy of what it is like to be in a new place in order for us to move there. We need to feel what a healthy relationship feels like before we can create it. This is what therapy does (assuming your therapist is healthy). It is the first healthy relationship many people experience, and having that model is the only way they will learn it. I believe we all have the innate capacity to heal–to shift toward and embody a healthy expression of life–but we need healthy models to know what to shift to! And in business, we need more expanded models in order to grow.

So, get out of the house. Go to business meetings and organizations, or look up business owners who are just beyond where you can see yourself easily being. Have lunch with them, or propose a MasterMind group. Go to workshops led by people who have something you don’t. Work with a business coach who is successful in their business and is where you’d like to be. Find mentors in whatever capacity works for you. Support yourself by surrounding yourself with the energy that you want in your life and let your learning happen naturally, like a plant turns toward the sun.

(Some background: a MasterMind group is a concept various people have talked about–they seem to be most widely used for business people who want feedback and growth and to access the “Master Mind” — the collective knowledge of their groupmates — to help them solve their business problems and propel themselves further on their personal growth path. They are self-organized and the members decide the structure. Usually 4-6 people.)

So. There is something in the Bible about “wherever two or more are gathered together, there am I in midst of them”.

I’m not a Christian, obviously, but there is a fundamental truth here I’m learning to access. Something is available in groups, a kind of energy that propels each member beyond what is possible alone.  I think Jesus was talking about “I” in terms of the Christ consciousness/etc, meaning that spiritual energy was there in the midst, between the people involved.

A group is more than the sum of its parts–there is a multiplication effect.

Which is great if there is a commitment in each of them to show up and pursue something greater than themselves.

Obviously you can gave a group of two or more where one or none are committed to stonewalling and being stuck. Then the multiplication can work in opposite: you get more stuck faster.

But when there is a group coming together with a commitment to spiritual growth, or a commitment to transparency, or a commitment to excellence — then the energy generated by each member is taken up by the others, and it feeds on itself and grows and is beautiful and energizing. You get synergy, which is one of the most fun things to experience on the planet. And you get community, and you get to move faster in your own progress. It’s a wonderful tool for your toolbox.
The requirements are simple: a shared commitment to show up for something that is grand.

What is a commitment exactly? I believe it is a willingness to see things that come up (because things always come up when you make a commitment) as things that are coming up to be cleared, and clearing them brings you closer to your goal, to your ideal. That is, to treat sticky places and confusion and differing needs as inevitable and necessary to the growth of the group and your own personal growth. Each person commits to using issues that come up as an opportunity to grow and get past their stuff, because they know that is necessary to get to the empowered, vibrant, successful life they truly want.