The general idea is this: we are a conduit for Divine energy/purpose to manifest. We are channels, we are the mouthpiece, we surrender, we hand it over, and we become part of something much larger than ourselves. We are fulfilled and happy, and everything is glorious.

All good. Really.

But you MUST take care of your human ‘vessel’ to do this. That means self-care, self-love, self-nurturing, etc. It means resting, eating nourishing food, having fun, being nice to yourself, and meeting your human needs.

The vessel can’t be full of holes.

If you are running yourself ragged or neglecting your human self, you are just not going to be effective in your mission.

There’s no way around it.

We are here on this planet in human form, and that form has to be respected, honored, and care for or it will not be functioning like it could. Your vessel-ness will be ineffective.

The idea is co-creation. The “co” part matters–half of that is us, the human half. That half matters. That half needs the structure, the nourishing, the health, the time, and the self-love to really show up as half of the equation.

And the Divine half? That is there, that will always be there. It’s through honoring our human selves that we create the conditions where we can be present to that Divine presence.

So if you want to be a conduit for truth, healing, and beauty in the world, get a good night’s rest.

Say no to overwork or busy-ness. Say nice things to yourself in your head. Pay yourself first. Take the time to make dinner and call a friend. Be a friend to yourself. Wear sunscreen. Floss. Create beauty in your workspace and your home. Take a walk and take in the sights, smells, and sounds. Slow down. Stretch.

These things are the foundation and support for everything else you create in the world. They are the structure within which God/the Universe/Spirit/Source can do magic, create miracles, and heal. They matter.

• Does the thing you are doing, even though you enjoy it, never feel like “it”?
• Do you pick up interests, burn through them, and  then drop them?
• Does doing the same thing “for the rest of your life” seem like a life sentence of boredom?
• Do you  feel like you should know “what you want to be” by now?
• Do you wish you could feel focused and commit to one thing, but you just can’t make yourself do that?

It describes how our culture is skewed right now toward rewarding people who have “one true interest”. The author compares Mozart vs Ben Franklin. The former was all about music, music, music from a young age. Ben Franklin on the other hand, had a lot of disparate interests, from politics to experiments with electricity to creating the first public library–and more. She gives a bell-curve of interests with Mozart on one extreme and Franklin on the other and most people in the middle.

The problem is for some reason (probably due to industry wanting to have highly specialized workers or something like that), our schools and our culture tends to reward people who specialize early and stick to one thing.

People who don’t fit this model often feel broken or deficient. They keep trying to get themselves into a mold that doesn’t fit.

I know I suffer from this self-criticism immensely. I have 4 blogs (and am working on launching 3 more) and I often feel like a freak. Shouldn’t I have just one? If I only had one I could write on it more regularly, and isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Will my readers feel abandoned? Will I lose momentum? Am I sabotaging myself? Am I diluting my personal brand? AHHH!!!

This post isn’t a “I have the solution” post, more of a “I am working on this one” post.

I’ve been feeling all BLAH about this blog, and about writing in general, and trying to figure out why do I write anyway.

I think what happened is I briefly got caught up in the whole blogging-twittering-”internet famous”-popularity-contest aspect of blogging. Which can be fun and all (I guess), but what seems to happen to me is that I lose touch with my purpose in writing. As in, I literally forget why I started the blog.

There is this idea of intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation: intrinsic is what you do because you feel like it – extrinsic is what you do because it will get you something, like approval, money, etc. The problem is that extrinsic motivation can destroy intrinsic motivation. For instance, if you start rewarding a kid for studying, and then you stop rewarding them, they’ll stop doing it. Even if they were actually doing it of their own volition to start with.And I knew this, of course, but I am surprised at how I didn’t realize it was happening to me.

The thing with me is that I don’t last very long on extrinsic motivation. I just sort of space out and don’t feel motivated at all. And that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling about the blogging lately. But I didn’t put it together.

I think the reason that the idea of “popularity” draws me off-course is because of my personal history with schoolyard unpopularity and a lifelong struggle with isolation. So my mind started fuzzily equating popularity with acceptance or friendship. Which of course are not the same at all – you can have thousands of fans and have few real friends. They aren’t the same thing.

I think this is a big piece of the “fear of biggification” idea I’ve explored before on this blog. Part of the fear is of my unintegrated need for acceptance and inclusion taking over. It’s similar to the way many artists are afraid that if they become successful they will “sell out” – in other words, they are afraid of their unintegrated need for security or status taking over.

I hadn’t put it together before.

Luckily, I had “self-sabotage” to save me.

I think people misunderstand “self-sabotage”. The popular/Hollywood idea is that you start going toward success, and then somehow that success scares you so you “sabotage” it or “get in your own way”. But I think it’s really important to look at what and why exactly you are doing this supposedly “sabotaging” thing. Because I bet it is actually a really healthy thing.

For instance, in my case, about a month after gaining some new readers and commenters from Twitter and whatnot…I started feeling very blah about Twitter and very blah about writing.

But that’s not self-sabotage. At least, not in a bad way. That’s a self-correcting mechanism kicking in.

It’s the part of me that says “uh, I’m really not in this to get more comments”. A that’s me, that’s real, that’s the part of me I want to listen to. Cause it’s true, I’m not in this for more comments.

And if I start feeling like I am, I really want to go back and remember why I’m really  in this.

Over-riding “self-sabotage” without understanding it is a very bad idea.

Achieving outside success is not the measuring stick.

The ephiphany I had was around why I actually do write.

It’s not about other people at all, not directly. I write when I feel this internal nudge. It’s like an internal pushing sensation. That’s it. That’s the whole reason. When I feel the nudge, I write. And it feels great! It’s like I’m channeling something from somewhere.

I think that inner drive, that urge to create, lives in all of us. It manifests in different ways. Sometimes I feel the nudge to write, other times I feel a burning desire to start a project or something else.

I believe that these little (or big!) internal nudges are the voice of our true Self/God/whatever you want to believe in – they are the juice. They are the thing to listen to.

Everything that comes from that, if it comes, or if it doesn’t, or whatever – it doesn’t really matter.  It’s not good, it’s not bad. But the fact is, if you are following your nudges, you will be happy and feel connected to life no matter how many people read your blog. Conversely, if you are trying to get people to read your blog, it doesn’t matter how many fans you have, you won’t feel satisfied.

It’s a weird paradox. External input feels wonderful – but ONLY if we are already fed from within. External input feels hollow and cheap if we are trying to survive on it – it’s not nourishing enough on its own.

So take a moment to think about the internal indicators that you are following your nudges, and the internal indicators that you have lost touch with them. You might want to write them down and make a little “SOS” note for yourself – “Read in case of total BLAH feeling”.

It is sort of a progression as you start at the bottom and go up.

The theme is summed up in the statement in the middle – “The seeds of our inner light and vision germinate as the darkness begins to wane.”

This year’s board came together with a lot more clarity and intention that last year. I started the workshop feeling some inner poutiness: this last year didn’t turn out exactly as rosily as my vision board had laid it out, and I felt resistance to making a new one. I didn’t want to paint some nice picture for myself and then just do the same old stuff again.

Last year I did it semi-intuitively, but this year I completely just let the images find me, much like a Soul Collage but on a bigger scale. I also stopped at one point to pull a Tarot card – Kaya had brought them to help with the process. It was the Osho Zen deck, and the card I pulled was Transformation. It was right on:

“This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow, or difficulty just to be there, accepting it’s ‘facticity’. It is very much like the experience of Guatam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened. Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And, like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.”

This year I looked at the vision board as more of a divination/discovery process than a goal-setting one. I wanted to know what this year would be about – not just what I wanted it to be, but what was there to deal with.
I’ve come to realize that, while we can set goals for ourselves and that is good, often our Karma has a lot more power than our conscious intention. So perhaps the most useful intention for those situations where you know you still have “stuff” is to say: “My goal is to accept and work through my Karma to the best of my ability as it presents itself”.

We all want to be at the finish line, but sometimes you still have to run the race. That’s how I’ve been feeling about teaching and writing – there is a lot I want to say, but I’m still halfway through doing my own work.

When you stop wanting divination tools to give you a picture you want to see, and start seeing what is there, they become more useful. Divination tells you what your Karma is – the most probably path as you walk through life. There are many things you can’t change. Knowing about it ahead of time doesn’t necessarily mean you can stop it – but it does mean you can start accepting it and learning from it early so it’s less painful when it shows up.

So what does this tell me? Starting from the bottom, the early months of the year will be about excavating and diving into my unconscious fear patterns – and embracing and accepting the reality of my history. Letting go of the pain – letting it drain away and finding the grace and emptiness of surrender.

And, with that work, transformation will occur. Finding both inner happiness (upper right) and inner power (upper left), and embodying the messages I most want to share: “Suffering is optional” and “The Art of Happiness – Everyone can master it”.

A lot of the images are symbolic. Here are some of the meanings, starting from the bottom:

• monkeys in snow: bleakness of childhood
• bunny: fear response, always tracking, looking
• woman with open arms: embracing, accepting
• archeologist: excavation of the past
• woman on tree: loneliness from childhood
• person behind mask: hiding, fear, suspicion
• underwater diver: exploring the unconscious
• angel with red wings spanning that section: protection, boundaries, and grace
• mountain pool: letting painful feelings release and drain away
• empty bowl and chair: stillness, receiving. there is also a copy of the tarot card I got tucked away behind the chair.
• elephant, on right, you can just make out the eye – elephants are a personal symbol for me of protection
• person climbing rock wall (on left of pool) – climbing in consciousness, doing the work of growing
• forest scene – not quite sure – it sort of looks like where I grew up
• woman on swing – not quite sure yet, I had a swing like that growing up, but of course it wasn’t all idyllic like that (and I didn’t wear high heels LOL)
• llama, on right – looking ahead
• crystal lady in center – transformation
• man, hand with lipstick, J-Lo – power, strength, combining feminine and masculine
• hummingbird – not sure, but it felt like an image of power
• seedling – growth
• penguin – playfulness
• happy face – uh, happiness
• guy on lake in canoe – moving forward

Kaya has directions on her site (link above) if you want to try one of your own. I recommend it!

 We would like you to release the word “achieve” or “earn” from your vocabulary and from your understanding, altogether, and we would like you to replace those words with the word “allow”. You’re wanting to allow your Well-being, not achieve it. It’s not something that you need to earn. All you have to do is decide what it is you would like to experience, and then allow it in order to achieve it. It isn’t something you have to struggle for or try for. You are all worthy beings. You are deserving of this Well-being.

~ Jerry and Esther Hicks

I loved this, and, being a person of action, I started writing up a list of things I am now allowing into my life to put on my fridge. (My fridge is affirmation central in my house – my visits are infrequent enough that I don’t habituate to the messages as quickly – and I rearrange it often for the same reason).

So I wrote my list. And I printed it out. And I was happy about it.

But then I had this sneaking little thought in the back of my head.

It said: Ok, sure, but what do you really wish for? I mean, if you really believed this stuff, what would you write? I mean, what do you secretly want?

Oh. Yeah. Those things.

So then I made a new list. At the top I wrote:

What I secretly want…

And am now allowing into my experience…

Now this was the list. This nailed it. I looked back at the first list, and yes, they are things I want, but they weren’t the BIG things – the things I am not sure I deserve, not sure I could handle if they happened – and most importantly, am not sure I can “achieve”. But the exercise is not about achieving, so I wrote them down.

In fact, looking back at the first list, they look kind of like “things I want to help me cope with not quite having what I really want”. They are things that would make me feel comfortable and content – but not necessarily what I really want, which is to feel a sense of continuously expanding past my limits to the fullest potential I can reach. (This was the last item on my second list.)

If you do this exercise, I recommend writing the first list anyway.

Even though you are going for the second list, there is a principle in writing I find helpful. It goes something like this:

If you write out what is on top, it allows the stuff below the top to come out next.

If you keep it all in your head, all you will see is the stuff on the top, over and over.

Sometimes you have to write down the wrong word to get it out of your head so the right word will appear.

It’s kind of like unravelling a ball of yarn. What you really want is the shiny bit in the middle that all the yarn is wrapped around. But if you go digging into the ball, it gets all mangled, and sometimes it’s wrapped up so tight that you can’t get in there anyway.

But if you just start at the beginning of the thread and unwind and unwind, pretty soon you’ll be inside. No stress or digging involved – just following a process.

As you write, notice how the words feel, and keep working with them until they evoke the exact feeling that you are going for. The Law of Attraction works by matching emotional frequencies, so you are creating a magnet by evoking the feeling in your body of what these wishes mean each time you read the list and get into the zone of how it would feel to experience them.

Have fun! And share some of your secret wishes if you’d like.

I’m struck by the difference. The one I made before focuses a lot on what I want to get. And they are mostly things I didn’t have yet (a business that runs itself seamlessly, more money, nice things, to travel, etc). It was specific and focused (common wisdom on how to make goals). It is very focused on the future, and while it focuses on “abundance”, it kinda whispers “scarcity” between the lines.

I wrote down a new list today. Here it is:

My Heart’s Desire

1. I want to have daily enjoyment in my work.
2. I want to give my business what it needs to grow into its potential and be a contribution to life.
3. I want to release my fears and let love come through me in the many forms it wants to.
4. I want beauty and order and peace in my home, a home that fills me with happiness when I walk through it.
5. I want to give myself to love, to listen and understand the ones I love, and to share my heart with them also.
6. I want to affirm my intrinsic value and the OKness of all my needs and feelings.
7. I want to heal and release every past hurt that bubbles up in me to shed love and light on.
8. I want to remember and renew my connection with Source every day, every moment.
9. I want to live in and appreciate every present moment.
10. I want to relax and trust and let each day nourish me. (give us this day our daily bread)

This new list feels different. It feels peaceful and fulfilled. I relax just reading it.

Here are some more differences:

• It describes things I already have, in most moments
• It describes present-moment stuff, not future stuff
• It is a lot more focused on loving and joyfulness than on acquiring specific things
• It is at the same time more and less specific: more specific about the feelings and needs that are being met – less specific about what that will look like. It says “a home that fills me with happiness when I walk through it”, not “a home filled with beautiful objects”.
• It specifically mentions Source, my last list didn’t.

I think it’s an improvement. I think I’ve learned something about how to stay unhappy: define happiness as dependent on things you’ll get in the future. And about how to be happy: arrange your daily life so that it nourishes you.

What is your heart’s desire? Is it really a specific job, a specific kind of house, a specific kind of lover? Or is it to be a part of the movement of the energy of Love itself throughout life- and feel that in your body every day?

I’ve also noticed it’s a lot easier for me to actually make and commit to specific work-related goals now than it was before. When I had my heart’s desire confused with specific business goals, every goal became a struggle with God, trying to wrestle purpose and meaning out of numbers – money, customers – and always ending up confused and unfulfilled.

Now I get the purpose of goals – to help my business grow and serve life. Not to give my life meaning. Meeting business goals does not nourish my heart directly – my heart is nourished by the daily process of living and serving life. Coming from that place, I make goals that are cleaner, clearer, that work for my business, and that I actually want to do!

Blind faith is when you act as if something is true, when you don’t have any evidence of it being true (yet).

Understanding faith is when you’ve experienced what you believe in, at least to some extent, and you believe because you have experienced how it works. You might also have had that faith tested, and come out the other side with a deeper understanding of it.

I started my spiritual journey on blind faith. I knew there had to be a better option – there just had to be! So I started out seeking it, with blind faith that I would find something better.

Eventually, through struggling and turmoil and much processing, I started experiencing that the faith and commitment I had did lead to results. Various “teachers” did appear and I learned things I needed to learn in unlikely ways. Insights and clarity showed up by listening and working various tools, and I saw situations that seemed unsolvable and inexplicable work themselves out for good in mysteriously perfect ways. I reached a place of understanding faith that carries me forward from within (most days). That doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to learn still! I still have days or weeks that I feel like “GAAAHHH!!!”. But it does mean I have a relaxed and grounded faith that I will learn it, on the Universe’s timing. So I firmly believe in faith.

Blind Faith Gets You Started

Blind faith is necessary because when you start out, you have to go purely on your conviction that you are a creative being and that there are answers beyond what you already know. It takes incredible heart and courage to go beyond the safety zone of cynicism and doubt, or comfort and familiarity. Sometimes it means saying no to people around you, to beliefs you have inherited from your family, from social beliefs and “common sense” that is really “communal sense” – an agreement to be OK with less and not risk trying for something more.

Even though I have been “on the path” for awhile and wrestled with some demons, there are times when I have to go back to blind faith again. When I am starting something new and have no idea how to do it – when I am challenged to go beyond my comfort zone and choose a larger goal, to see a bigger vision of myself. I have to be able to step out on blind faith that I can meet that challenge. Faith is trusting that whatever is around the corner is something that I can handle. Not that I know how to handle it right now – but that I will learn and the Universe will help me when I need it if I ask. (That might not be when I think I need it of course).

Faith is the Bedrock Underneath the Wave-Like Nature of Reality

We all go through times when we are right there with Source, and other times when it seems like our connection has deserted us and we are stranded somewhere and can’t get back. Even people with many years of developing spiritual connection go through this. It’s just part of the wave-like existence of life on Earth. We get to discover again and again “Oh yeah, Source is still here”. Our brain has an amazing ability to forget. That is why faith is important.

I keep a faith that my experiences of Source were real, that Source is real, even when in the moment, I can’t feel it or can’t remember what it feels like. That keeps me acting in alignment with a deeper reality, rather than reacting in fear to whatever is around me. I believe that there is an order underneath the chaos that is always operating, whether I can understand it in the moment or not, and there is a part of me that is always connected to Source, guiding me, whether I can hear it in the moment or not. More than that, I believe that I am part of Source itself unfolding, so I cannot ever truly be “lost” – I can only feel that way.

It’s one of those spiritual paradoxes that the only way to get to understanding faith is to have your blind faith completely challenged and turned upside down a few times. And yet, without blind faith, you would never have started the journey that eventually led you to understanding faith.What you eventually learn from being tested is that your blind faith was limited in some way, and your understanding faith is broader, because it encompasses even the experience of losing what you thought you needed and couldn’t live without. You also learn important things like:

1. pain doesn’t last forever
2. happiness/pleasure doesn’t last forever
3. you are still there after both have passed

Borrowing Faith From Yourself

I have observed that I can have a magnificent grounded faith in one area of my life, and still end up feeling lost and despairing in another area. I have learned to “borrow” faith from one area to help myself out in another area. I say to myself “I have faith that the Universe wants me to be happy in XYZ area of my life – so it must also be true here, even though my mind is saying otherwise”. This is a way of rewiring your brain to make faith automatic.

Then it’s just a matter of jumping into the river. Eventually, you learn how to swim, and you say “Ah, I get it. This is how you swim in this river.” But you had to jump in to find that out. Life is an immersion experience.

Using Blind Faith in Business

Here are some suggestions of things to take on blind faith (if you don’t already), and start walking forward with:

• If I start asking for help, eventually the help I need will show up
• If I start asking the questions I have, eventually the some answers will show up
• If I start looking at this problem, eventually the solution or something better will show up
• If I start learning about XYZ, eventually I will understand it better
• If I start going where my heart leads, eventually I will find what it is seeking

*Credit: I got the idea of Blind Faith vs Understanding faith from the Unity of Portland sermon last week by Rev. Lisa Davis. (The rest of the stuff about pain and being tested is from my own experience.)

I’m beginning to think that maybe that’s all BS.

We all definitely have needs for self-awareness and also for contribution. But our culture is skewed towards accomplishment. So we think “what we are called to do” must be an accomplishment. We must be called to create some specific grand thing. We all walk around comparing ourselves to Joan of Arc or Mother Theresa or Ghandi or Martin Luther King. Why? To make ourselves more miserable?

Knowing who you are might look like realizing you aren’t Ghandi and don’t have to be.

Knowing who you are might look like valuing who you already are and finding that to be quite good enough, thank you.

Knowing who you are might look like enjoying what you really enjoy and not comparing yourself to anyone.

Not all who wander are lost

For a long time I interpreted my constant reading of books and going to workshops as some evidence of me being unhappy and searching for something. Other people sometimes interpreted it that way too and reasoned that I must be unhappy and why did I need to do all that work? But now I realize I do all that because I love ideas and I love expanding my worldview. I love exploring ideas and learning new ones and it’s not about finding the right idea, it’s about learning new ones all the time and the joy of exploration and discovery. That exploration is who I am. I’m not “looking for who I am” by exploring. I’m expressing who I am by exploring. So now I support myself by giving myself lots of room and time and books to explore and I feel great about it.

Accomplishing things is something that makes most of us happy. We get to feel good and productive. But it’s not everything.

What if what we are called to do is really a way of being rather than doing? A way of being that brings us joy. And maybe we’re already doing many of the things that we want and just not letting ourselves enjoy it and really have it? This has been my experience anyway…when I’m most me, it’s about who I am being, not what I am doing.

When I’m most me, I:

• am aware of how much I love the people in my life
• am aware of how beautiful life is
• am aware of how much joy my heart can hold
• am living in integrity with myself and others
• am enjoying the moment

Make your own list, and then post it somewhere. Remind yourself that this is who you are and that it is OK. Write somewhere on it the equivalent of: “I am not Martin Luther King. I am Emma McCreary.” Pick whoever you compare yourself to.

Mind-only commitments lead to ego-commitments rather than soul-commitments. For instance, I’ve tried making a commitment to making a certain dollar figure per month or year. It just doesn’t work for me. Because I’m not really committed to it. And no amount of willpower or Millionaire Mind meditation tapes will get me there. My soul just doesn’t care about numbers.

What I do instead is try to listen very carefully to what my soul is already committed to, and then name it consciously. Own it. Say it out loud.

Being committed doesn’t mean that you demonstrate it perfectly 100% of the time.

I have a soul-level commitment to non-violence. And yet, I have a mind trained in manipulation, criticism, arguing, and scarcity consciousness. I have a head full of blame and a heart full of fear. I can be blunt. I’m far from the Gandhi-esque persona people probably picture when they hear “commitment to non-violence”. And yet I keep learning, keep trying, keep pushing to convert my hard edges to compassion and my fear-motivation to love. Because there is something deep inside me that wants peace, that wants a world where everyone is valued, and knows that it is possible. I believe in it. Naming that sometimes feels hypocritical, because I know with precision just how many ways I don’t live up to it. But in the end that doesn’t matter. I also know it’s there. It’s part of me.

Our soul-commitments are wired into us. We can feel them.

They are part of who we are, on this planet, in this lifetime. And if you pay attention to yourself, you can feel them when they click into place.

I have noticed that when I hit upon a soul-level commitment I often have a very emotional response. I can start crying, or feel very peaceful. Or sometimes I feel scared, if I’m not quite ready to own it yet. That’s OK.

When I think about peace and about how much I want the world to be a place where every child grows up knowing they are precious and is held in love as they discover the beauty of who they are and awaken to the Mystery of life–I cry.

When I think about how money and business is something I naturally gravitated to, that I’m good at, that comes easily to me and is fun, and is something that is just part of my wiring, I feel peaceful. It’s something I know and accept is part of who I am on this planet in this life. There is nothing good or bad about it–it’s just a truth that feels good to name.

When I think about showing up fully in my business, I feel scared. And yet, I sense that is the path I’m on. To show up fully in all areas of my life. Scary. But I can feel it is part of me.

Your soul-level commitments are things you are already doing.

You don’t need to discover them in order to do them. It’s more that you when you can consciously feel them and name them, then you’ll feel the peace that comes with really knowing who you are. And you will be able to align your consciousness with your commitment. That means harnessing all the power of your mind and directing it so you become a channel for your soul’s purpose. And what on Earth feels better than that?

Here is an example.

There is a commitment I’ve made to myself which goes something like this:

I will give myself everything I need.

What does this mean? It means that if I feel an inner urge to learn to paint, I will buy myself brushes and canvas. It means that if I identify something that is essential to my happiness, I will not deny it to myself. This is a conscious decision I made to re-parent myself. But I believe it echoes a soul-commitment I have to developing and expressing happiness. Happiness has been a continuous goal for me as long as I can remember. And I know if there is one thing I want to give the world it is the idea that happiness is something anyone, anywhere can attain.

The best way I’ve found to understand my soul-commitments is to really sit with myself.

Being willing to have a quiet one-on-one conversation with yourself is important to all kinds of things, but it is definitely essential to understanding your own soul.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that when something is nagging at me as a mystery that I can’t figure out logically, it can signify the presence of a soul-commitment. Questions like “Why am I still here?”, “Why did I start this business?”, “Why did I want to move here?”, “Why am I unwilling to let go of this?”. Look especially at situations that are uncomfortable, don’t meet your needs on a surface level, you complain a lot about, but you just won’t leave. Something in you is hanging on. It might be psychological and some kind of fear or scarcity is keeping you there and you really need to look at that. Or it might be a spiritual commitment that you aren’t quite aware of yet, and your soul is keeping you there until you fulfill that commitment. Only you know. Ask your own self, inside.

What if you are afraid of what your insides might say? What if it turns out you don’t have a purpose? What if you ask and nothing comes up?

That might happen at first. Our culture does not exactly encourage or train us in this kind of thing. But if the answer is fuzzy, keep at it. Keep asking, and  more importantly, keep listening. Spiritual insights have a way of taking a very long time to come into focus sometimes, believe me.

But the asking is worth it. You do have a purpose.

You do have soul-commitments. We all do. And owning them and consciously committing to them is a delicious feeling of power and purpose.

Ask inside and see.

If this is where you are, my guess is you may not leave your job for at least another 5-10 years. Because you just aren’t uncomfortable enough to do something about it. But you might be after doing it 10 more years.

Or maybe you’ll have a heart attack from the stress and that will wake you up. Or maybe someone close to you will die and that event will give you the perspective that life is damn short and if you’re not challenging yourself to live at your own edge and creating a life you truly enjoy, that challenges you to become more than who you think you are, if you’re not letting your potential live within you every day, if you’re not pushing yourself to make your life the wondrous and beautiful experience you know in your heart it could be, then you’re losing something precious and fleeting that you will never get back.

Maybe something like that happens that wakes you up. But until then, I bet you stay where you are. I bet you keep looking out the window, not quite really happy, but not quite really willing to risk the comfort that you have either.

Unless you decide to change on your own.

You don’t have to quit your job tomorrow, and you don’t have to wait until your arteries cave in. This is what you do: you decide that your true happiness is more important to you than your comfort or inertia. That’s what it takes. It’s an internal decision. It’s a contract you make with the Universe. That will start you on a path to awaken to your true purpose, the thing that makes your heart sing. The Universe will lead you there, as long as you are willing to give up what you already have, and trust that there is something more out there for you.

That path may lead you to quit your job, or it may lead somewhere else. You may discover that your job is not the point. You may discover the point is that you were asleep. Do you know who you truly are? What you are capable of? What truly makes your heart sing? And are you going in that direction every day?
Deep happiness is founded on self-knowledge and nothing else. Look inside, unflinchingly, and ask yourself if you’re truly happy. Ask yourself if it’s worth it to you, to find out what your heart truly wants and what you need to do to create a life that supports that.

If your answer is “Eh. My life is OK. That all sounds like work.” — then you know you’re not ready yet. And that’s OK.

But if you know you can’t wait 10 more years, then it’s time to start learning. There are a billion books and courses and people who can help you on your journey. You’re not alone. Millions walk before you. The world is full of people who are walking their own personal path to self-awareness, and there are as many paths as people.

Here’s a book to start with, which might shake up what you think the workforce is about: We’re All Self-Employed.

And if you are really considering taking the leap, the blog (and book) Escape from Cubicle Nation is the place to start.